Connect
7 simple lounge room date’s
Reconnect in as little as 20 minutes. Enjoyable & relaxing, low- pressure somatic date’s for busy, tired people.
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The Dates
Hot tips
Feel free to work through the dates in order, over a week, or mix them up and make it your own.
If you’re able to both meditate beforehand, even for five minutes, it will enhance the experiences. An optional guided meditation audio is included for each date.
I’d suggest making a little pledge to yourself, that if you feel triggered at any point, you’ll take some time out, to regulate yourself before coming back (for example, some deep breathing in the bathroom or outside.)
Want to really lay down some new neural pathways? Try 1 date daily for 22 days, then weave a date or more into your weekly schedule however suits you.
3 Rules
Yes means Yes.
No means No.
Maybe means No.
(& I’ll let you know if I change my mind.)
Do we all agree?
Date One
Ask, Accept, Receive
Create some simple mood lighting if you can.
Partner One takes a moment to close their eyes, tune into their body, and notice something intimate they would genuinely enjoy. It might be a hand massage, a back scratch, having their hair brushed, or something else that feels nourishing.
Then they ask, “Would you please …?”
Partner Two takes a moment to tune into their own body before answering honestly: yes, no or maybe. (Remember, maybe means no for now.)
If the answer is no, it’s lovely to offer an alternative: “I can’t do that right now, but I could…” Partner One can then check in with themselves to see if that feels good, or ask for something else.
(How lovingly can you receive a no/maybe? You might even like to say, “thank you for your honesty.”)
When you find something that feels like a genuine yes for both of you, set a timer for 3 minutes and simply enjoy.
Swap roles, explore different time lengths and repeat as many times as you like.
Notice how you feel before & after this date.
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Date Two
How is your …?
Make yourselves a warm drink, dim the lights, find a comfy spot, and settle in.
Decide who will go first. Partner One gently asks Partner Two simple questions about their present-moment sensory experience, such as:
What can you hear right now?
How does your tummy feel?
How are your toes?
Partner Two may close their eyes before answering. Take your time and answer slowly, without judgement or analysis. Keep it simple and sensory: My toes feel cold and tingly. My tummy feels full. etc.
As your partner is speaking, really take them in. Listen deeply, and respond warmly without judgement if it feels natural enough.
Take turns slowly asking and answering these questions for around 10 minutes, or for as long as feels good.
When you’re finished, spend a little time gazing softly into each other’s eyes. You’re not looking for anything - just being together. You can set a timer for 3 minutes if you like.
Notice how you feel before and after this date.
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Date Threeo.
Shoulder Massage
This one’s easy, guys.
Dim the lights, put on some relaxing music, and get comfy.
My suggestion is to let the more masculine member of the partnership receive first. You’ll see why.
Before you begin, ask your partner what they’d enjoy. Do they have any sore spots? How would they like the pressure? Is there anything they’d particularly love?
Set a timer for however long feels good.
As you go, check in every now and then with a simple, “How does this feel?” and adjust if needed.
When the timer is up, swap over.
Go forth and enjoy.
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Date Four
Do you like this foot rub?
Socks off and kick back.
Take turns and set a timer if you like. Again, I’d recommend the more masculine partner goes first receiving.
Before you begin, run a face washer under hot water and slowly wash each other’s feet. It feels incredibly nourishing and is a lovely way to begin.
If you’d like to take it to the next level, fill a basin with warm water and give each other a beautiful foot bath You might like to add a few drops of essential oil, flower petals, crystals, or anything else that helps you create a relaxing atmosphere.
Before you start, ask your partner what they’d enjoy. How would they like the pressure? Is there anything they’d particularly love?
As you go, check in every now and then with a simple, “How does this feel?” and adjust if needed.
Dim the lights, put on some relaxing music, and enjoy.
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Date Fiveo.
Smudge Me
Create some simple mood lighting & take a few grounding breaths together before you begin.
One partner stands comfortably with their eyes closed while the other slowly moves around them, offering a gentle smudging.
A smudging is more or less a very slow, gentle aura massage. In many ancient cultures, it’s used as a sacred ritual to clear, uplift and protect the energy body.
You can use a stick of incense, a traditional smudge stick such as sage or eucalyptus, palo santo, or simply your hands. If using your hands, you might imagine warm white light gently flowing from your fingertips as you move around your partner.
Move slowly, staying around 5–10 cm away from your partner’s body. You might like to begin at the feet and gradually work your way up the body, like a body scan, but try to stay out of your thinking mind and in your feeling and sensing body. There’s nothing to get right, simply notice what you notice.
Alternatively you could start with their chakra’s and improvise from there. Don’t be afraid to get creative an make it your own.
As you move, honour every part of your partner with your full attention. If it feels natural, you might like to quietly whisper prayers, blessings or loving affirmations, such as “Cleanse and bless this beautiful being,” or simply, “I love you.”
The receiver may like to slow & deepen their breathing & bring their awareness back again and again to sensations in the body.
Take your time. Allow whatever arises to arise. It’s okay to giggle. It’s okay to feel a little weird. It doesn’t have to mean anything or become anything. You’re simply sharing an experience together.
When you’re ready, swap over.
Enjoy.
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Date Six
Sway
Even if you don’t like dancing, it might be nice to put on some slow music - that you both enjoy, hold each other gently and just sway.
You may end up dancing, and that’s wonderful too, but it doesn’t need to be about that. This is simply about being together, moving slowly, and allowing your nervous systems to settle together.
Before you begin, ask each other if there’s anything you need to feel more comfortable.
If the more feminine leaning partner feels comfortable doing so, you might like to soften and allow the more masculine partner to gently lead. If the more masculine partner is leading, stay gentle, pay attention, and check in every now and then with simple questions like, “How does this feel?” or, “Is there anything I could do to make this even nicer for you?”
Stay curious. There is no right way to do this.
Sway for as long as feels good or if you’d like to set a timer, I’d suggest around 20 minutes.
Dim the lights, relax, and enjoy.
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Date Seveno.
Ask, Accept, Receive Extended
This is the grand finale—but it doesn’t have to be grand. Just relaxing and enjoyable.
Now that you’ve had some time to tune into what you genuinely enjoy, have a little think about what you’d love an extended receiving session with.
Choose how long you’d like to receive for. You might like to set a timer anywhere between 10-60 minutes each.
Just like the first Ask, Accept, Receive date, I’d recommend the more masculine partner receives first. Take a moment to tune into your body and notice what you’d really enjoy. Then ask your partner if they’d be willing to offer that.
Your partner takes a moment to tune into themselves and responds honestly. Have a gentle conversation until you find something that feels like a genuine yes for both of you.
When you’re ready, set your timer and simply enjoy.
Then swap over.
Crack out the candles. Stay present. Enjoy each other. Make it your own. Nothing is too silly to ask for. You never know what you might discover about yourself and your partner along the way.
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Congratulations on completing this course!
I hope you’ve enjoyed the guided meditations throughout this course. If you’d like more, my Meditation Library is an ever-growing collection of gentle nervous system resets and visualisation journeys. There are currently eight guided meditations ranging from 5–20 minutes.
Keep listening
This course was lovingly created by me, Kia Starling. Through Somatic Lightwork, I offer gentle one-to-one sessions that support nervous system regulation, meaningful relationships, and spiritual connection. Every purchase helps support me, my family, and the creation of more gentle resources like this.
Support my work
I’m currently creating course containing Six Simple Parenting Practices for Secure, Sacred Attachment, grounded in evidence based theory, my background in Steiner education & 16 years of parenting experience. I’d love to share the first practice with you below as a little gift. I also offer 1:1 sessions and gentle support for mental, spiritual, and relational wellbeing. You can explore my offerings below.
Connected parenting
Connected Parenting - practice 1.
Easy time
For the next 21 days, spend 15 minutes each day giving your child your full presence and letting them lead. The earlier in the day, the better, as it can help set the tone for the rest of the day.
Try to join them naturally rather than announcing the practice.
Take a few deep breaths, let your awareness rest in your heart, and bring a sense of warmth, curiosity and adoration to the space.
Then follow their flow.
For younger children, this might mean joining their play, reflecting back what they’re saying and letting them set the direction. Of course, bring yourself to the space, but keep allowing your child to set the tone. Sometimes simply watching them with genuine interest and delight is enough.
For older children and teens, follow their bids for connection. Listen deeply, reflect back what you hear, and hold back on advice unless they’re asking for it.
For babies and pregnancy, this can be quiet connection through touch, massage, talking, singing or simply tuning into your baby.
15 minutes is the aim, but 10 minutes is still great if you’re stretched — and you can always keep going longer when it feels good.
It’s not unusual to experience a great deal of resistance before dropping into this time. See if you can be kind to yourself, breathe through it and do it anyway - it’s always, always worth it.
Before and after each practice, notice how you feel. Notice your child’s mood, behaviour and how they respond to you afterwards. Keep observing over the 21 days and see if anything shifts.
I have deep gratitude and reverence for this daily practice as it has solved a good majority of the behavioral challenges I’ve come up against in parenting.
( Inspired by the work of child psychologist Dr Laura Markham, founder of Aha! Parenting.)
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