Everyday, I spend about 10mins (minimally) in total presence with each of my children. It’s a space for them to be in the lead and for me to follow their direction.

Children spend most of their days following adult guidance, which is healthy & provides safety, but this is a window for them to take the reins. I find it balances power play dynamics and re-connects us to the love we share.

I hold a heart space of curiosity and adoration as I witness and respond to my childs flow.

For infants in utero and new borns this may look like a time of meditation on your Childs spirit, it may incorporate massage, gentle conversation or song.

For younger children this looks like engaging in their play as soon as possible in the morning to set the tone for the day.

For older children and teens this may look like a conversation with un-devided attention, not when its convenient for me but when my child initiates connection.

I practice radical listening, holding back on giving my opinions and advice and instead feeling into and reflecting back the experience they are sharing.

This coupled with at least one date out together a week, makes for a stable bond throughout child and teenage hood.

I know this may seem hard to integrate into a busy schedule and also emotionally challenging at times, but it’s worth it & will save you time and energy in the long run as your child’s behaviors improve and your connection grows.

I learnt this technique from child psychologist, Dr Laura Markham, founder of ‘Aha,’ Parenting & have practiced it, every day of my 15 years of parenting with beautiful results.

*Content, quietly manifesting.

At least once a week I schedule a day when we don’t get in the car. A day to drop into our home space, our rhythm & our connection to each other and land.

Sometimes we walk to the local park or cafe, garden, or visit neighbours, other times especially in Winter we might even spend the whole day inside. Whatever is needed to re-set, tends to unfold naturally. The key being, slowing down & not getting in the car.

Sometimes I come up with a lot of resistance within myself to do this, but it’s always, always worth it.

It’s not always possible, but at least once a week I like to make a day where the only outing we go on is to the wilderness. No parks, no playgrounds, just wild nature as Mother Earth designed it.

It doesn’t have to be a new spot every time, we usually just go between three favorite spots, river, bush and mountains. When we’re there, it’s just flow time, to rest, walk, stretch, swim, play or what ever we feel like.

As we arrive, I like to acknowledge the ancestors of the land, a practice taught to me by Gunai elder, Wayne Thorpe, my daughter’s Uncle. In my heart I ask the ancestors permission to be on their country, just as I would ask my grandparents if I could come over to their place. I listen for an answer then touch the earth and say “Through the Mother.” It feels respectful and calming.

I also like to keep track of the local Wurranjuri seasons. Around the middle of each season, we visit the same river spot with a little basket. We collect pretty leaves, feathers, stones, nuts and twigs and create a small mandala on our picnic rug, connecting us to the changing of the local seasons.

To begin with my mind and nervous system are often busy with linear thoughts, but at some point we often drop in with the land. Animals are more aparent and comfortable in our company & our thoughts and feelings seem to sink up with the movement of birds and the wind… We come home.

If two young children are having a conflict, I calmly and quickly approach them and get down on their level, so we’re all equals, I might say something like. “It’s ok, no ones, in trouble, lets try and work this out together.” If one of the children is hurt, I will soothe them first. In Steiner early childhood settings, I learnt to calmly sing to the child who has been violent, “Gentle hearts & hands, caring, hearts and hands.” That’s it. Reminding them of their goodness & the rules, without activating their nervous system response with sternness & shaming.

Then I hold space for them to talk it out, with genuine curiosity. “What happened?” I’ll ask one, then reflect back their experience. Then I ask the other one and reflect back their experience. This way they both feel heard and seen. I keep going back and forth until the tension eases and they start to work it out. The way they repair, is always surprising and nowhere near close to what I would suggest. In saying that, sometimes I do need to make a little suggestion here and there to move things along, but on a whole - they’ve done the repair themselves and I’ve just held space for it.

I learnt this technique from the teachings of child psychologist Dr. Laura Markham and it works beautifully, most of the time.

*Content, quietly manifesting.

*Content, quietly manifesting.

*Content, quietly manifesting.

*Content, quietly manifesting.

*Content, quietly manifesting.

*Content, quietly manifesting.

*Content, quietly manifesting.

*Content, quietly manifesting.